I pride myself in my ability to cope with the punches life throws at me. I've had close friends and family die and I felt that grief, but I was able to move past it. I've experienced things in my very short 21 years of life that most people don't experience in their entire lifetime. For some strange reason though, I still can't seem to comprehend this. Having a best friend walk out of your life is the worst feeling possible to me. Especially when it's because of a chain of events that could have been easily prevented.
     It's been a year since it all began and about 5 months since I last saw your face, heard your laugh, seen your goofy smile, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. The only thing that was different than usual the last time I saw you was the look in your eyes. Your eyes, which usually sparkle with happiness, had been dulled to nothing. When I looked at you, I saw someone who was lost as you walked up my driveway to knock on the door.
     You knocked.
     I answered.
     Then that look in your eyes I know so well came back as soon as you saw my face. I hugged you. That familiar sense of comfort was there and I could tell you needed it. You needed someone to be able to give you that feeling and I was the only one that could give that to you.
     We got in your car and drove around town, blasting A Day To Remember and singing at the top of our lungs...just like old times. I'm going to quote The Perks of Being A Wallflower here, "...and in that moment I swear we were infinite." That's the best way to describe that day. We were invincible. Nothing could stop us and nothing could take away how happy we felt. Euphoria flowed through our veins.
     We only hung out for an hour, but it felt like an eternity. We made plans to see each other again soon. It never happened. I'm thankful that I got to see you smiling and see that wonderful sparkle in your eyes. I'm glad I get to remember you this way and not the way I saw you as you walked up my driveway.
     It's been 5 months and I still haven't let go of the fact that you're not here for me to talk to anymore. I don't have my best friend anymore and it absolutely kills me inside. If you ever get to read this, know this:
     Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Whenever I watch Star Wars I think of our sleepovers that would usually end up in your mom yelling at us for laughing too much. Whenever I listen to A Day To Remember, I think of us walking the streets at night with our group of friends singing "Monument" at the top of our lungs. It was what we called our "montage" song. Granted, we were extremely inebriated at the time, but regardless, those were the nights I remember most (despite my extreme intoxication).
     I miss you. I'll always be here for you, no matter what. I know we're not speaking right now, and the reasons why are a different story, but if you ever decide that you want to rekindle our friendship, I'm here with arms open wide. I just know your daughter is going to be beautiful. I hope she has those eyes of yours...and that goofy smile.
     Regardless of what happens....



                                                                                                                 I'll never forget you.