Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
The clock is ticking, but not in our favor.
It's taking the time away from us.
They say that time heals all wounds, but right now it's making things worse.
With every second that goes by, I lose you more and more.
At first I thought that I couldn't handle this.
I thought I wanted a time machine.
I thought I wanted things back to how they used to be.
Then I remembered that if things went back, I wouldn't be where I am now.
The lessons I've learned from you molded and shaped who I am now.
You made me who I am now.
If the clock went
Tock. Tick.
Tock. Tick.
I don't know how things would turn out knowing what I know now.
Especially with how impulsive I am.
I'd have made you mine and perhaps that family of yours would be ours.
That's not what I want.
If it wasn't for your hurt, I'd have never moved on.
If it wasn't for your disloyalty, I'd have never found him.
If it wasn't for you walking out, I'd have never found love.
This is what I want.
Right where I am in this very moment.
You can say I'm not the same, but like they say:
Time heals all wounds.
Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
Make the most of the time you have now.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I pride myself in my ability to cope with the punches life throws at me. I've had close friends and family die and I felt that grief, but I was able to move past it. I've experienced things in my very short 21 years of life that most people don't experience in their entire lifetime. For some strange reason though, I still can't seem to comprehend this. Having a best friend walk out of your life is the worst feeling possible to me. Especially when it's because of a chain of events that could have been easily prevented.
It's been a year since it all began and about 5 months since I last saw your face, heard your laugh, seen your goofy smile, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. The only thing that was different than usual the last time I saw you was the look in your eyes. Your eyes, which usually sparkle with happiness, had been dulled to nothing. When I looked at you, I saw someone who was lost as you walked up my driveway to knock on the door.
You knocked.
I answered.
Then that look in your eyes I know so well came back as soon as you saw my face. I hugged you. That familiar sense of comfort was there and I could tell you needed it. You needed someone to be able to give you that feeling and I was the only one that could give that to you.
We got in your car and drove around town, blasting A Day To Remember and singing at the top of our lungs...just like old times. I'm going to quote The Perks of Being A Wallflower here, "...and in that moment I swear we were infinite." That's the best way to describe that day. We were invincible. Nothing could stop us and nothing could take away how happy we felt. Euphoria flowed through our veins.
We only hung out for an hour, but it felt like an eternity. We made plans to see each other again soon. It never happened. I'm thankful that I got to see you smiling and see that wonderful sparkle in your eyes. I'm glad I get to remember you this way and not the way I saw you as you walked up my driveway.
It's been 5 months and I still haven't let go of the fact that you're not here for me to talk to anymore. I don't have my best friend anymore and it absolutely kills me inside. If you ever get to read this, know this:
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Whenever I watch Star Wars I think of our sleepovers that would usually end up in your mom yelling at us for laughing too much. Whenever I listen to A Day To Remember, I think of us walking the streets at night with our group of friends singing "Monument" at the top of our lungs. It was what we called our "montage" song. Granted, we were extremely inebriated at the time, but regardless, those were the nights I remember most (despite my extreme intoxication).
I miss you. I'll always be here for you, no matter what. I know we're not speaking right now, and the reasons why are a different story, but if you ever decide that you want to rekindle our friendship, I'm here with arms open wide. I just know your daughter is going to be beautiful. I hope she has those eyes of yours...and that goofy smile.
Regardless of what happens....
I'll never forget you.
It's been a year since it all began and about 5 months since I last saw your face, heard your laugh, seen your goofy smile, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. The only thing that was different than usual the last time I saw you was the look in your eyes. Your eyes, which usually sparkle with happiness, had been dulled to nothing. When I looked at you, I saw someone who was lost as you walked up my driveway to knock on the door.
You knocked.
I answered.
Then that look in your eyes I know so well came back as soon as you saw my face. I hugged you. That familiar sense of comfort was there and I could tell you needed it. You needed someone to be able to give you that feeling and I was the only one that could give that to you.
We got in your car and drove around town, blasting A Day To Remember and singing at the top of our lungs...just like old times. I'm going to quote The Perks of Being A Wallflower here, "...and in that moment I swear we were infinite." That's the best way to describe that day. We were invincible. Nothing could stop us and nothing could take away how happy we felt. Euphoria flowed through our veins.
We only hung out for an hour, but it felt like an eternity. We made plans to see each other again soon. It never happened. I'm thankful that I got to see you smiling and see that wonderful sparkle in your eyes. I'm glad I get to remember you this way and not the way I saw you as you walked up my driveway.
It's been 5 months and I still haven't let go of the fact that you're not here for me to talk to anymore. I don't have my best friend anymore and it absolutely kills me inside. If you ever get to read this, know this:
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Whenever I watch Star Wars I think of our sleepovers that would usually end up in your mom yelling at us for laughing too much. Whenever I listen to A Day To Remember, I think of us walking the streets at night with our group of friends singing "Monument" at the top of our lungs. It was what we called our "montage" song. Granted, we were extremely inebriated at the time, but regardless, those were the nights I remember most (despite my extreme intoxication).
I miss you. I'll always be here for you, no matter what. I know we're not speaking right now, and the reasons why are a different story, but if you ever decide that you want to rekindle our friendship, I'm here with arms open wide. I just know your daughter is going to be beautiful. I hope she has those eyes of yours...and that goofy smile.
Regardless of what happens....
I'll never forget you.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
I'm going to make an awesome housewife one day
Yesterday morning, I woke up and had the urge to cook my boyfriend breakfast. I made him Nutella waffles and a bacon weave. I think I'm the best girlfriend ever (:
The only thing "wrong" with me (according to Chris) is my lack of anime knowledge. Since he starts work tonight, in order to occupy my time and distract myself from the loneliness, I'll have to just watch some and fix that problem.
I just finished the series Elfen Lied and I really REALLY enjoyed it. It was so gory and sad and violent and....beautiful. If anyone reading this has any recommendations for me, that would be lovely. I have a list of series that I plan on watching. Here they are (so you know what kind of genres I like....for those giving recommendations):
Infinite Ryvius
Kaiba
Death Note
Bleach
Kino's Journey
Petshop of Horrors
Shigurui
Trinity Blood
Hellsing
Hellsing Ultimate
When They Cry
FLCL
The only thing "wrong" with me (according to Chris) is my lack of anime knowledge. Since he starts work tonight, in order to occupy my time and distract myself from the loneliness, I'll have to just watch some and fix that problem.
I just finished the series Elfen Lied and I really REALLY enjoyed it. It was so gory and sad and violent and....beautiful. If anyone reading this has any recommendations for me, that would be lovely. I have a list of series that I plan on watching. Here they are (so you know what kind of genres I like....for those giving recommendations):
Infinite Ryvius
Kaiba
Death Note
Bleach
Kino's Journey
Petshop of Horrors
Shigurui
Trinity Blood
Hellsing
Hellsing Ultimate
When They Cry
FLCL
Friday, August 24, 2012
A new place means a fresh start, right?
I arrived in Tennessee about a month and a half ago. I moved here with my boyfriend Chris and his parents and I have to say, things are very different here than what I'm used to. For example, they don't have coffee stands. None! I mean...the only Starbucks I've seen is in Nashville and on the drive here, I didn't see one for 3 days. According to Chris' parents, they don't do coffee on this side of the country...they only do sweet tea. Don't get me wrong, I love sweet tea, but you can't be as creative with it as coffee. Well, at least you can buy espresso machines, right?
Anyway, I'm hoping that this move means a fresh start. I don't really like it here too much. I'm a city girl, not a country girl. Since we're in the middle of nowhere, I'll have to get back in touch with the country roots my family tried instilling in me when I was younger. Slowly, but surely I'm getting used to it. However, mosquitoes have always been drawn to me and in 5 minutes of being outside, I ended up with 10 bug bites on my legs. TEN. First world problems.
Being secluded, my goal is to brush up on m sewing and start my clothing line that I've so desperately wanted to start for quite some time now. I already have a few designs and I'm waiting on some fabric that I purchased to come in the mail. I'm super excited about it (: I'm hoping to have some designs up soon so you guys can all see them.
Since I'm trying to stay positive, I've decided to create a list of things I enjoy about Tennessee to keep my mind off of my homesickness:
1) There's fireflies! I remember when I saw my first one I felt like a little kid. My mouth dropped in awe and I jumped up and down like a little kid. Since Chris' parents stopped momentarily on the road home so I could see them, I jumped in the car eager to get back so I could catch some. I then realized...I have no jars to catch them in. I'm also quite freaked out by bugs (being a city girl and all) so when I tried using a water bottle, since the opening was small, I accidentally touched one. I freaked out a little bit and haven't tried to catch any again yet. But I will. It's a goal. I also promised my dad I would and I don't break promises.
2) It's very pretty out here. The scenery is unlike anything I have ever seen. There's a bunch of trails with waterfalls that I have yet to see and I'm excited for that. Hopefully the country side of me will come out and I can actually enjoy it.
3) The animals out here are animals that I've never seen in person, but have always wanted to. For example, bats. Although I've always wanted to see one. Then one flew right in front of my face and I never wanted to see another one. It was pretty strange. We have a lot that fly down our chimney at night, but because it's closed, they can't get in the house. I'm VERY appreciative of that.
That's it so far. When I think of more, I'll let you guys know. For now, that's all I have to say about Tennessee. Hopefully things start to look up sooner than later. I'll try to get some pictures taken soon to show you guys how pretty it is here.
Anyway, I'm hoping that this move means a fresh start. I don't really like it here too much. I'm a city girl, not a country girl. Since we're in the middle of nowhere, I'll have to get back in touch with the country roots my family tried instilling in me when I was younger. Slowly, but surely I'm getting used to it. However, mosquitoes have always been drawn to me and in 5 minutes of being outside, I ended up with 10 bug bites on my legs. TEN. First world problems.
Being secluded, my goal is to brush up on m sewing and start my clothing line that I've so desperately wanted to start for quite some time now. I already have a few designs and I'm waiting on some fabric that I purchased to come in the mail. I'm super excited about it (: I'm hoping to have some designs up soon so you guys can all see them.
Since I'm trying to stay positive, I've decided to create a list of things I enjoy about Tennessee to keep my mind off of my homesickness:
1) There's fireflies! I remember when I saw my first one I felt like a little kid. My mouth dropped in awe and I jumped up and down like a little kid. Since Chris' parents stopped momentarily on the road home so I could see them, I jumped in the car eager to get back so I could catch some. I then realized...I have no jars to catch them in. I'm also quite freaked out by bugs (being a city girl and all) so when I tried using a water bottle, since the opening was small, I accidentally touched one. I freaked out a little bit and haven't tried to catch any again yet. But I will. It's a goal. I also promised my dad I would and I don't break promises.
2) It's very pretty out here. The scenery is unlike anything I have ever seen. There's a bunch of trails with waterfalls that I have yet to see and I'm excited for that. Hopefully the country side of me will come out and I can actually enjoy it.
3) The animals out here are animals that I've never seen in person, but have always wanted to. For example, bats. Although I've always wanted to see one. Then one flew right in front of my face and I never wanted to see another one. It was pretty strange. We have a lot that fly down our chimney at night, but because it's closed, they can't get in the house. I'm VERY appreciative of that.
That's it so far. When I think of more, I'll let you guys know. For now, that's all I have to say about Tennessee. Hopefully things start to look up sooner than later. I'll try to get some pictures taken soon to show you guys how pretty it is here.
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